Today's World.

I don't understand the world today. Call me old fashioned, call me crazy, call me insane, I don't care. There is no reason for why the world is the way it is today.  When a guy has almost nothing in the world, why would be push away the only thing that still believes in him. Is he scared? Or is he just that much of a terrible person? I know I don't have a whole lot of room to talk, due to the terrible history with men, but I do know how I am when I get scared. I push and push until I eventually make the other person walk away. I know it's wrong, but it's the only thing that protects me from getting hurt.
I think everyone just needs to take a step back and just breathe for a second. Look at the world around you, and think. Is this the way you want to live? Is this the action you want to choose? Will you regret it later on? I try to live with no regrets. Actions happen, maybe it was the wrong choice, but at the time that's what I chose and I have to live with my actions. Granted, I have not made a choice that ended in a terrible way, but I have made more than my fair share of mistakes. I look at my actions that those of others, look at the results  and think "Do I want to live this way?"

To sink, or to swim?

I don't understand how one day everything can be going great, then the next, it's like everything just fell out of place. The beginnings of new relationships are so cute. All mushy, adorable, and you feel on top of the world. Then you get the news. The news that your relationship is going to be put on the high seas, and it is up to you to find out of your going to sink or swim. You try to work as a partner swimming together, but then a storm hits. Your communication gets bad and you lose sight of one another for a while. But once you see them again, it's like nothing could go wrong. But then they have to leave again, and you don't know the next time you'll see them. You get put on the back burner, and now you are no longer a priority. It's up to you whether you want to keep swimming, or just let yourself sink.
But you have to take in account all the memories, thoughts of the future, and the feelings you have. The memories of being together are great; you love spending the time together, the feeling you get when your cuddled up watching a movie, and seeing friends and family together. The thoughts for the future make you think all the rough time might be worth it. And the feelings are just like icing on the cake. You feel so happy and safe, warm and fuzzy. But then reality hits you like a bitch. Those memories then crash into the memories of being alone on the night you need them the most, on the days when you just need someone to give you a hug and call you beautiful, and the times when your just reaching out for help and they don't understand. Those thoughts for the future then become back handed with the reality of "what ifs." The "what if" he has to get sent to the military academy,"what if" they don't want the same things, "what if" in a few years from now something terrible happens and it all ends, and the biggest "what if" is the thought that maybe they never cared even close to the same amounts that you did. Then last but not least, those feelings get put knocked out cold. The feeling of being happy just become a distant past and now your just lonely sad, The feeling of being safe, now your just scared. The warm and fuzzy feelings you got when you saw them, now make you terrified and shaky. 
You don't know what the next day is going to bring, but it's up to you to figure out what your decision is: Are you going to sink? Or are you going to be fighter and try and swim?